a peek into my life
Today, you are going to learn about me. Well, a little more than you already know, I guess. I really want to write more on this little blog. Some of my favorite blog posts are the ones where I get to learn a little more about the author.
It is funny, that with the blogs that I follow, a lot of them, I feel like I know the author. I feel like I could be that persons new friend. I want people to know about me, and well if you really don't care, then you don't have to, but you might read something funny that will make you laugh, or maybe something that you can commiserate with. Who knows, maybe you will want to gain me as an "internet" friend? If you want, so I can, perhaps, learn a little more about you, in the comment section, respond with your answers.
Up first, Describe three legitimate things you are afraid of, and where those fears originated.
1. I have the greatest fear of not achieving what I *think* I should be. I know that I, myself, am my hardest critic, but I always seem to tell myself that I am not where I should be. When I was younger, I had my life all planned out. (Type A personality, to the most extreme) I knew what I wanted to be, where I was going to school, who I was going to end up with, and then life threw me a curve ball. I am definitely not where I thought I was going to be at (almost) 30. A lot of times, especially when I have had a bad day, week, month, etc I am really hard on myself, and only see failure. I know this originated out of my own head. Being the oldest is kind of a hard task, everyone expects the most, best, and greatest from you, and when you do not live up to those, very heavy, expectations it can seem like a let down. I seem to always let myself down, and then when I am feeling like I am about to drowned in a sea of self pity, some one points out to me an accomplishment. One that is a really big deal, like, for example, being a publish writer, that I over look because I am always looking for the BBD. (bigger, better deal) One of my goals, as I enter my 30's, is to really celebrate my accomplishments. Even if it is, I had a really killer week at work, I mean really busted it, and made something happen. If I acknowledge the small, maybe the BIG will look HUGE.
2. Secondly, I have a fear sharks. This I have touched on before, and it is so much bigger than a 'fear'. I have been afraid of sharks for, literally, as long as I can remember. I have a very overactive imagination and would tell myself, when I was younger, that my bedroom magically transformed into shark infested waters at night. I would caution myself to sleep in the very middle of my bed, because if I didn't, I would be attacked, and killed, by sharks. I don't swim, by myself, in the deep end of pools. I refuse to swim in lakes, rivers, or ponds. I won't swim in the ocean, above my knees. This fear is kind of crippling, as we have to put the Discovery Channel on parental block, for the week of Shark Week, for fear that I might accidentally stumble upon a show with sharks. I don't watch movies pertaining to sharks, including Finding Nemo, and will never visit an aquarium. The strange thing is, I love to swim, I love water, and I love the ocean. I have no desire to "get over" this fear, as I know, I would end up having to come face to face with a shark, and that is too much for me to imagine.
3. Lastly, I am terrified to trust people. The idea of letting someone have all of my trust stops me dead in my tracks. This particular fear is rooted deep in my past, and for right now, is too personal to share. I don't know that I will ever, fully trust people, but I like the idea of at least trying to let people in.
Labels: saturday insights